Saturday, January 8, 2011

Updates!

Not much has been going on the last few days. After my Cotopaxi Adventure and my Plaza Fosch Adventure I have chilled out a lot at home. Lots of reading, including this book about a doctor my mom gave me, that, you're right ma, is really terribly written. I've gone to abuelas and done the requisite cheek-kissing of everyone in the dynasty, slept on the couch. I walk across the street and swim 1500 meters which is very impressive because it is more than a kilometer. Are you not impressed with my athletic prowess?


After that, I go back to abuelas, drink cold coffee and eat a banana, and take the bus home.


Yesterday, we had ICRP class (surprise!) and no one knew about it so we were actually like 3 hours late. I haven't actually started my IRCP this month yet. I called the nurse on Tuesday and asked when I should come in and she was like "Monday, or Tuesday...whenever you want." So that seems pretty relaxed.


However, I'm getting really pumped up for my SIP and am going to get my ICRP work to work for that. How? The sub centro at Puembo does a great deal of work with birth control distribution and counseling. I could write my ICRP monografia (sort of like a term paper) about access to birth control in Ecuador, especially among indigenous women, and then that could be (or could be close to) my Literature Review for my SIP! Which would be about birth control among indigenous women in Ecuador! I'm not sure if this is cheating or something, but it's what really interests me and your research is supposed to further more research, right?


Not that I've started writing or anything.


The other thing that's happened lately is going out to dinner a lot and eating good food. The Bio/Ecology students went off to Tiputini deep in the jungle on the 6th to do research, so we kept going out to lavish dinners to say goodbye to them.


On the 5th, we went to this lovely asian-fusian restarurant. I had green curry so spicy and creamy it made me tear up. I've missed spicy food so much, jasmine rice, chopsticks. I am going to gorge myself on Thai food when I get back. I also had a sake bomb which I though would be really good because I always read about them. Acutally, it just tasted like rotten beer with some airfreshener in it. Also, trying to get the sake to fall into the glass, it spilled all over me and made a huge mess. This was not worth a drink that tasted like drain cleaner.


The next day we went to this Mexican restaurant that we had always made fun of because there is a guy in a huge sombrero and fake moustache outside waving a menu and yelling "hey you guys! come on in!" over and over. I ordered enchilladas and was hoping to continue my spice dream, but it was mainly a bowl of melted cheese with pieces of chicken and a single corn torilla wripped up on the top. Yum! Not!


Yesterday, I went over to Jamie's and he and Scott and I made a pimpin dinner of Macaroni and Cheese with mushrooms, a giant salad and....water. We even set the table and lit candles. Then we watched Star Wars and everybody fell asleep.


Today, I am going to eat some toast Pilar left for me, go to the store with her, hopefully go paintballing, go to Jimmy's concert, and maybe hear from my mom. You know, the regular.

Thinkin Hard


Its 10 am here in Ecuador! I am under my covers like crazy rich uncle Dana eating a banana with peanut butter, God's Gift to Food, and my head itches mercilessly. Just giving you my vital stats, you know.


As this program winds to a close, I'm thinking a whole lot about time and how it's expanding and snapping shut and shrinking in front of my eyes. For example, in late January at some point in my life, my mom and sister came to visit me in Kalamazoo. I was almost completley sure that that was one year ago, but once I really think about it, it's clear that it was two years ago when I was a freshman. They visited me in Hoben, my friends in Trow, we walked around the snowy campus and I skipped out on my caf meals to eat at Saffron and The Strutt. Last year, late January? We were cuddeled up in the sus house, trying to not turn on the heat. Zak had just gone to THAILAND. ( I tried to find your Thailand blog, Zak, and couldn't) I was taking sculputure, statistics, and beginning to gnaw my way through my independant study.


And three years ago? Slogging through twelth grade, knowing I was going to Kalamazoo, a secret warmth to get through physics.


Five years ago? I'd just started reading Cat's Cradle with Zak for the first time, and we all know how much that book means to me.


But no matter how many Januaries and Julies pass, each morning I wake up and slip on my glasses and pray that I haven't peed my pants while sleeping. It's not an issue for me, peeing my pants, it's probably happened five times since being potty trained but it remains something that I am afraid of having happened when I wake up.


With that confession over, I guess I could start actually start making sense here. What I mean to say is that no matter how time stretches and rips and gets tangled up on itself and in my mind, there are some things that stay constant. My anxiety about silly things definitely counts as something that's been there for me forever, and it's probably going to be there until my end. Sometimes, often, its no fun, it holds me back, it keeps me in my room writing furiously or imagining my death via food posioning.


However, the strength of the anxiety does help me remember parts of my life that might have faded otherwise. The churning stomach, the paralyzed brain, tight fists and though loops provide strong, clear points of recognition that might have gotten smoothed over it the physical fear wasn't so strong. And now, in a part of my life that's less riddled with anxiety, I can look back and learn from it.


For example, when I was little, I had this big thing about loosing teeth. I felt so miserable, like a part of me was dying or had abandoned me. I remember being six or seven and loosing a big tooth near the back. This seemed worse than anything, I was crying so hard. My mom, genius that she is, gave me a little potted plant from the drug store to help me feel like life was still going on even though I lost a part of myself.


Yesterday, quietly flipping out about how Ecuador is coming to an end and I'll never travel again and I don't know what I am doing with my life and have no friends, I rewound back to the lost tooth and the little plant. Its the same worry and solution all over again: loosing what is yours, the only thing you can identify and grab onto in the messy world, soothed by the reminder that the universe is larger than your bloody mouth, and that this giantness and variety can be a comfort.


So I keep losing teeth, knocking them out, they fall out while I'm sleeping or in class or at a party. And sometimes they hurt, and sometimes I don't notice until months later, but I always miss them, and I can't resist running my tongue over my bare gums.


But then in my backyard, under my bed, in my notebooks and friendships and heard in my conversations, are a million tiny trees, ferns and bonsais, dying or dead or growing strong, moments that I remember the bigger world around me, stop crying over my teeth, and just chill out and go with it.


So yesterday I lost a tooth and today I found a tree: the sounds people make when they are togehter. I heard in in my house growing up, Ma and her friend having coffee at 8 on a weekend morning. Later as I entrerd the teenager-sleep-forever phase, Ma and Lesters talking artifically loud to wake me up at 11.


"SHOULD WE HAVE FRENCH TOAST, DEAR DAUGHTER WHO DOES NOT SLEEP TILL NOON?"


"WHY PERHAPS WE SHOULD LOVING MOTHER! IF ONLY THERE WAS A THIRD PERSON HERE TO MAKE THE COFFEE!"


"ALAS, YOUR SISTER HAS JOINED THE CONVENT OF HER BEDROOM AND WILL NOT ROUSE HERSELF"

The Sus House bickering and disecting of what happened last night, or the frantic key-board and pages turned as an all-nighter winds down.


And now here, with Pilar and Jimmy, just this morning


"Ma, we have to go!"

"Ok, I just have to find my toothbrush. Did you take my toothbrush?"

"Ma, why on earth would I take your toothbrush?"

"Well, you took my hairbrush yesterday."

"That's different. We both have hair that we need to brush"

"We both have teeth my son. And I am going to brush mine before we leave this house"


My teeth make me cry and my trees make me giggle, and both of them help me remember my complicated, boring, wonderful, thrilling, scary, adventuresome life.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Bad Dana! Bad!

I didn't write today and I didn't write yesterday, I am failing at my new year's resolution. But I sitll love writing! Do not worry, I promise an entry tomorrow. A nice juice one filled with gossip, cheese, weird dreams, anxiety, way too many commas, you know, the usual

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Didn't Write It, Still Like It

My Fast-Beating Immigrant Heart

On Being from a Failed Empire

by Gary Shteyngart

Past seven years I've been joking about how I was born in one failed empire (the USSR) and how someday I'm going to die in another one. Is it time to retire that joke? I came to America as a child. I studied hard, got circumcised, wrote two books, and then W. happened. I remember how excited I was to get my first U.S. passport, how happily I brandished it when going off to some ridiculous country where the ruling elite gorged itself on oil profits while enemies of the state were sent to roast in a dank tropical hell.

And then we became that country. Mr. Obama: Please make it better. All that work, all that lost foreskin, all those years of mooing the Pledge of Allegiance with one hand on my fast-beating immigrant heart—give me some pride back. Raise our taxes, if you must. We'll write even more crap for The Stranger to make up the difference. We'll do anything to redeem our butchered ideals. Let us throw off this threadbare imperial mantle. Weren't we a nation once?


From http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/here-comes-the-sun/Content?oid=757896


Everyone should read The Stranger, all the time

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

BIG ADVENTURES LOTS OF STUFF HAS HAPPENED

So I'm tired today. Deep tired, tired despite sleep. I'm in my bed in yesterday's shirt and the very idea of putting on clothes makes me cringe. All I want to do today is eat macaroni and cheese and watch Two And A Half Men.


What made me so tired? I guess I'll have to tell you, dear blog readers.


I went on the adventure. The adventure that sounds rediculous, the one your mother would tell me not to go on. Or, knowing my mother (plural, actually, Ecuamadre and USAmadre would both are pretty into leaping into things feet first), she'd probably just tell me to bring along clean socks and more cash.


I woke up at 8 feeling hellish. That last entry, where I said I couldn't sleep? that was the beginning of 5 hours of the kind of non-sleeping bed-laying tossing-turning re-reading praying-to-god night that you hope comes once a year. Woke up at Frenchie's call, ran around the house throwing things into my purse. Met at Coffee Tree, rode to the North Terminal, talking about factory farming and political freedoms. The taxi was only 5 bucks which was astonishing. I promise I'm not going to tell you the price of every single taxi I took, just the majority.


On the bus, I discovered he's a SOMTHING AWFUL brethren (hear that ZACH?) and takes pictures obsessively out the bus window. We discussed the lack of safety of traveling with strangers you meet in the airport, showed each other our Driver's Licenses to proove our legit-ness.


Otavalo's a really beautiful market, really beautiful. I got bargained into buying these embroidered pillow covers so hopefully when you all see my house you will notice how mature and classy I am because I have nicely decorated throw pillows. Do not steal these pillow cases, spill anything on them or vomit near them. Thank you! I also bought grandma a present (al fin!), alpaca-themed leg warmers (get ready from some rockin presents, ladies of Kalamazoo) and a new T shirt because I had only bought one shirt and it had become clear that the adventure was going to be a two-day one, no safe return to Quito by crepusculo (look it up, my goofiest Spanish vocab word). Jump, feet don't hit the bottom, keep kicking.


Next stop was the town Iliana, famous for its limpiezas by yachuks. I did this in Otavalo with my program, but I'm always eager to get hit by sticks and rubbed by eggs in a dark room. We took a taxi to the center of town where we were stared at so hard by Quechua people going about thier business. We started walking in a possibly northward direction, hoping to find the magical hide-out of Yachuks. While walking, a pickup pulled up behind us and I saw my friend Javier (MY BUS FRIEND) and his ma and dad. He lept out of the truck and started talking about how happy he was to see me, about 85 times more friendly than I'd ever seen him. Of course I introduced my friend as Frances and not Francois, but Javier just started speaking to him in French, so my idiocy was hidden or at least put to good use. We told Javier that we were looking for limpiezas, and he was like, "Oh I'll take you to my family's yachuk, hop in the back of the truck."


There's few emotions besides thrill you can feel when you are driving straight down a mountain on cobblestone roads with a practical stranger at the wheel and another in the back with you. I guess you could be scared or anxious, but then, I wasn't. I was in the mountains, I knew where (or at least to who) I was going, who I was with. I could carry all I had on my back, over one arm. I could run in the lower altitude, in my sneakers. And I was going to get cured. We all were. I was awake and proud and strong and safe.


They drove us all the Panamericana highway and then we walked to a crumbly house with full out buildings, an outdoor kitchen, latrine, chicken shack. Papa Javier went up to the old lady sweeping the dirtfloor in front of the house, and they jovially yelled at each other in Quechua, negotiating the price. Javier's family is real Otavaleño, both his father and him have long braids that they've never cut. His mother barely spoke spanish and was dressed in the embroidered white blouse, long skirt, and cloth sandals that I never stop thinking are beautiful. Javier offered us his father's chagra (farm plot) house to stay in that night, which was just so kind that I made up an aunt waiting for me in Ibarra to get out of it. We planned on coffee in Quito instead. Jesus, what hospitiality! Would you stop and offer a ride to some nut-job foreigner from your school who you thought asked you out on the bus on the first week of school but really just wanted to hear your genius ideas about architechture theory? Maybe I would, but would I offer them a ride in the back of my truck? Go out of my way for her and her Canadain friend? Javier is a nice guy, that's for sure.


Unfortunately, the Yachuk wasn't there, so we sat in this empty dark room in this family's house for an hour and a half. I took a nap on a bench covered in a blanket that smelled like horse poop. Francois folded his multiple purchases and drank avena drink. After two hours or so, we were all (me, him, the old woman, her kid, her infant grandbaby) were all sitting on this pile of rocks by the highway watching the traffic go by. A stout man in Otavaleño dress got off the bus and dashed accross the highway, holding an armful of plants. The Yachuk had arrived.


The three of us huddled in a tiny dark room, filled with candels, children's chairs, animal hides, and cigarette butts. Francois went first, first getting beaten by dry leaves and rubbed by a candle. Then he stood on a straw mat in his underwear while the yachuk beat him raw with these stinging leaves that leave tiny cuts on your body. The next step was spitting alcohol on the leaves, lighingting the whole thing on fire, waving it out, and then rubbing that on your body. After that came a round of rubbing with raw eggs, then volcanic stones. After, he spit aguardiendte on all parts of you, really cleaing out those cuts. Next, he poured strong rose cologne into a bottle of old tabacco leaves, and then spit that on you. Most of this was acompanied by chain smoking Lark cigarrettes, occasionally taking a mouthful of smoke and blowing it into the crown of your head.


I was next, and he concentrated awfully hard on limpiando my butt-area and near my... sosten. I guess there was sin stored there? (I'm joking)


Shivering and smelly, we go dressed and walked along the highway a ways, found a taxi and went to Cotocachi, a town that seems to only sell leather goods. I bought nothing, Francois bought a bull whip. Useful! We got a long taxi to Ibarra, 20 k away. Wandered around in the rain, found a hostel, ate shwarma, bought a bar of soap, showered, trying to smell less worse. Drank Zhumir. Slept.


Woke up cranky, not hung over. Ate breakfast (eggs and ice cream) at the original helado de paila store. This is a big deal because it was invented in either 1850 or 1880, either way a long time ago. It's made by stiring fruit juice, egg whites and sugar in a large copper bowl on a bed of ice, straw and salt. Its labor intensive, light, sweet and very good. We inquired about going paragliding, and they were about to let us go, but told us the instructor was in Quito and could we do it our selves? No, ma'am, we would die.


Bus back to Quito, nice quiet, ate habas, felt sick, listened to Stefano's excellent Spañol CD. Which I copied from your mom, by the way Stef. Took a taxi back to the Fosch, ate wonderful, Britta-worthy salad and Italian food, parted ways. So strange to spend all your time with a person you really don't know at all but have no reason to not be honest to. Refreshing to have a relationship based on a shared desire for fun/seeing the province of Cotapaxi, not school or work or manipulation. Not that I want all my relationships like that, not that they could be, but it woke me up to how routine my life here in Quito is. I love my routine, it keeps me going, makes me happy, but sometimes rides in pickup trucks can do a lot of good in making your heart go fast and your eyes stay open.


After all that, though, I was eager to retreat back into littleDana. I put on my pajamas, made soup, and watched Friends and Ugly Betty. I can't be awesome all the time. Jimmy was home and he convinced me to come out with him. Going out with J is always an adventure and usally ends the same way. It reminds me of 10th and 11th grade evenings in DTSS (who remembers that acronym? Downtown Silver Spring, DUHHHHHH), wandering around familiar streets, waiting to bump into people you know. I'd usally keep a count and it was rarely less than twelve or fifteen people that I'd met before, plus thier cousins and friends and cute guys from school.


But there, on Fenton and Colesville, at the movie theater and Chik-Fill-A and Barnes and Noble and The AstroTurf, I knew those people, pluse Eric and Elliott who I'd come with, plus we all spoke the same language, and we weren't drinking cane liquor in the sidewalk. I remember meeting a friend-of-a-friend who was literally drinking PURPLE DRANK, cough syrup, vodka and cherry Slurpee. I actually turned and ran away. In Quito, with Jimmy, if there were Slurpees, I'm sure that's be common.


Am I making sense here? What scared me in high school, what was assumed then, is normal and commonplace and completley foreign to me here. I keep my self safe, sure, I turn and run if I need to just like in high school, and I say no to anything holding any of the ingredients of Purple Drank, but it still has the same allure it did when I was 15. Outside, badly dressed, light rain, just turning corners waiting to see old friends. Of course, the are Jimmy's friends and not mine, but it's almost as good to call myself "la gringa" and grin and pretend to understand jokes. It's not that that fun, I've only done it three or four times in five months, but sometimes its what I want to do.


Eventually this one guy with his 8 or so cousins left, and then some guys who I'm pretty sure were about 16 and cokeheads, and it was just me and Jimmy and his friend Lucho. We took a taxi home. They bought more Norteño because they are alcoholic idiots and I went to bed.


Going Home

Written Sunday Night


Hello dear diary

I'm back in Quito and what a day its been. Slept so much, deep insane sleep. Woke up, packed my things, pestered Stefano's ma to take me to the airport. On the way there, we passed the abuela's church which was letting out, so we backed up on the freeway for 200 meters or so. That was exciting. Made it to the airport, met a fellow gringo, a quebequer. We chatted about our careers, traveling in ecuador, other stuff until he got on his plane and I waited around for hours until my flight finally stopped getting delayed. I bought a 3 dollar sanwich the size of my fist and they woudn't even give me pickles for free. Cheapskakes.


Walking from the airplane back in Quito, and even flying over the city, I felt that similar out of breath feeling, the heart racing, the stomach flopping that I felt all the time when I first got here. I realized, deeply cornily, that I've started to associate altitude sickness with being at home, or maybe the other way around. Or I'm not used to the hight after a week in 'quil, or maybe I'm just happy to be back in Quito. I took the Metro home which I know was dangerous, chilled out with Ecuamadre and her friend Rosi, who have a standing date every sunday to watch a movie. They are working through the filmography (bibliography? I dont know the word) of this korean director who makes the most barren, depressing films. I kept running in and out of the room and being like "waht just happened!" and rosi would be like "they just cut off her breast!" "he threw her off the bus!" "the store exploded!"


Went out with my friendies, ate indian food, drank mango lassis. Met new canadian friend, drank coffee, made fun of hannah. Went to my house, watched Flatland (an educational movie about the dimensions). Got them a taxi. Way too much caffine in my body right now, no way sleep is coming soon. I might to go Otavalo tomorrow (gift requests?)





Saturday, January 1, 2011

Happy New Year, Gringos!

Written last night at 4 am

First Post of the year, covered in sweat, drank three rum-n-cokes and seven cokes (not kidding), watched hours of Michael Jackson concert video, ate quiche. Happy new year from Guayaquil! Just what you expect out of a new year's celebration.


Stefano and his family were telling me all to just go to sleep and now I understand why: The family party started at 10 pm and was still going strong when grandma and I left. At 3:30 am. And by going strong I mean everyone was watching concert videos, singling along, eating cheese cubes and laughing at this one drunk uncle. It wasn't a very lively party, but definitely social and definitely celebratory and with excellent food. They also had this bartender/servant guy who would refil your drink and give you many napkins very frequently. It was the first time I'd been in the situation where all the party guests were white/mestizo and the server was black, so of course I acted awkward. Also, everyone there was costeño and really wanted me to talk about all the things that are wrong with serranos, so that was sort of awkward.


But the food was excellent, the rice-corn-cheese, quiche, little pieces of beef in spicy gravy. Desserts and appetizers too, and twelve of either grapes or cherries to wish on. I've been so lucky this year, my whole life, but this year's wishes included

-a great SIP

-health and safety for my family

-fun friend stuff

-getting to be a vegetarian again

-writing every day- at least a page in some form

-thanking God for stuff, being mindful, thankful, awake

-working on my mental health

-Keep on exploring, keep on checking in.


Ok so those are more like koans and less wishes, but the grapes tasted just as sweet. We also burnt our effegies of the last year, called simply "año viejos." Stefano and his mom bought Correas, hers made of old clothes stuffed with sawdust, his made of paper machae and wood. I bought a Mr. Potato Head, who we here call Señor Papas. I forgot he was from Toy Story and just remmebered fondly putting his eyeballs by his feet. We burned them in the street outside the urbanizacion, throwing firecrackers and shooting fireworks. Sometimes it got a little intense.


Here's me drinking champaigne while things explode behind me (I'll get that picture to you soon). Even though I missed the experience, i'm definitely glad I wasn't in a big city for new years- it was overwhelming and scary enough to see one set of fireworks go off, I have no idea what I would have done with a street, city full, and all the smoke they produce. See, look at me, already working on my mental health! I also went home early (ha ha almost four am) because I was sleepy, even though most of the people were staying to watch another vidoe. I'm not exactly sleepy, just chemically out of whack and I know that when that hits the only solution is to get by myelf, get in bed, write for a while and then trick myself into thinking I'm sleepy. I think it will work to night.


It's been nice to be here, to see a differnet family, a very different part of the country. Nice to eat so many plantains and see my friend. Nice to be in warmth and to use an air conditioner. Nice. Nice new year to you!


Ok, maybe I am getting sleepy. Nighty Night Blogy Blog.